Home Is Where The Heart Is.. But What If You Feel Like You Don't Have A Home?
Everyone always says “home is where the heart is”. I can believe it, but I have never experienced it. In a world with so many beautiful, breath taking places, I feel like I don’t have one single place to call my home. I hate my home town (there’s an instant loss) and I hate my college town (another instant loss). I have a home in both places but I feel like an alien in both of them. My house in my home town only feels like an actual home when I’m in my third of an acre plot. I love my backyard. I love my swings. I love all of the trees, shrubs, flowers, you name it, i love all of them. My parent put so much of their selves into our house to make it feel like a home. And it does.. it is my home, don’t get me wrong, I love it there, but the instant I leave, I’m suddenly lost. I don’t know where to go, who to go to, I don’t know where I am, and I don’t know who I am. So I venture, where I venture is a fucking mystery. I’m like Waldo in a sea of souls.
I ended up venturing to college. I thought college would fix my loneliness. Nope, that was a joke to believe. I have friends here, an apartment, my car, a swing set (closest place here that makes me feel like I’m home), essentially I have it all.. but just not a home. Sure I mean i have a house/apartment, but it just doesn’t feel like a home. I don’t know what missing. Everything is right in front of me and I don’t know what is missing. Waldo likes to hide so people can find him, but fuck that! I don’t want to hide and make people search for me. I just feel lost. I’m a no one.I don’t want to be a no one. I want to be a someone. I want to be someones. Please won’t someone just love me for what and who I am so i don’t have to try to justify myself to anyone? Only dreaming will get me there for now, so i guess sleep is my home for now. Im home in my dreams.